How much money is being lost on workplace conflicts? In 2008, a study commissioned by CPP Inc. found that “U.S. employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict.” When you add it all up, those conflicts equal about $359 billion in paid hours. While those numbers may see startling, the time spent isn't always a loss. Conflict at times carries a negative connotation, but it’s a normal part of human nature. Rather than eliminate it, successful organizations find ways to manage conflict to fan creative flames and arrive at the best overall solutions. However, to properly manage confrontation, employees and managers must learn how to engage with each other and have difficult conversations in order to work out disagreement and find common ground. All too often these difficult conversations are held improperly, leading to personal attacks, inter-office contention, poor retention, and failed projects.
Have you recently avoided a difficult conversation with a manager or employee for fear of confrontation? If this is something you struggle with, here are a few simple Dos and Don’ts to help you manage difficult conversations. Remember these tips and you’ll find greater value in your discussions.
Don’t Delay
We all tend to avoid difficult, unpleasant tasks. Laundry takes a back seat to Netflix. Bills find themselves lower on the priority list than the latest gadget. And while the temptation to put off a difficult conversation is always there, you can’t succumb to it. Chances are that delaying will only exaggerate the problem. While it may take a little extra courage, muscle it up and get it done NOW! (If you need a few extra tips on how not to delay,
here is some helpful Harvard advice worth investigating.)
Don’t Complain
Too often difficult conversations are centered on what individuals don’t want. Rather than focusing on what you don’t want, make
requests your focus of the conversation. This approach helps put a positive spin on the conversation. For example, instead of berating an employee for not coordinating his or her tasks with the team, discuss how much better everyone performs when tasks are properly shared. Highlight past examples of when the employee has done it right and encourage this type of behavior in the future.
Do Plan
This tip comes from Holly Weeks, author of
Failure to Communicate. According to Weeks, drafting a word-for-word script of everything you want to say is a waste of time. Why? Because you can’t anticipate everything the other person will say or how he or she will respond. Instead, take notes and understand your key points before having difficult conversations. This prevents the conversation from becoming “weirdly artificial” and instead promotes flexible dialogue that still allows you to convey your message.
Do Empathize
We’re all familiar with the admonition to “walk a mile in someone’s shoes.” As you’re planning (NOT SCRIPTING) your thoughts, take a moment to consider how your counterparts will react. What factors will they consider or what could be causing them to act the way they are? Why are you right? How could the situation be seen differently? Be sure to listen to their concerns and acknowledge their perspective. In an ideal world, you’ll establish some
common ground and overlap between your point of view and your counterpart’s.
